How to increase your mental bandwidth

Several years ago, prior to my move to Knoxville, I had reached the limit of my mental bandwidth. In a previous post on psychological energy conservation, I had talked about all the things I juggle on a day to day basis that caused me to crash and burn. After a year of Covid, in 2021 things really hit rock bottom. I felt like a sinking ship trying to get to shore. I was throwing overboard everything I could to stay afloat. I knew I was shortening my lifespan but didn’t know how to move from surviving to thriving. So I decided to start all over and move to Knoxville. Which made things worse for several years.

Luckily, the story has taken a happy twist, in that I’m feeling the best I’ve ever felt. I’m still busy, though not as busy as I was then. I removed a lot of toxic relationships that were a huge energy drain. I still play racket sports a lot but not competitively. Not that I’m avoiding it. I’m just not that good yet since my hip surgery. And I don’t know anyone in the tennis community yet. But I have a ton of hobbies, in addition to all the writing and promoting I’m doing in preparation for the launch of our conference.

The other key factor is that I’ve recently learned something important about how to manage my bandwidth. You can think of all of the stressors in your life as devices that are taking up bandwidth. The more devices, the less bandwidth you have for dealing with stress, which results in more stress because you waste energy beating yourself up for not being able to get anything done. It becomes an endless negative spiral of avoidance and shame.

But it’s possible to flip this loop to a positive spiral. First, you have turn one of those shoulds on your list to a want. For example, with a client yesterday we discussed turning her I should put away the clothes on my bed to I want to put away my clothes because it will make my life better. We went into great detail about how it would make her life better: she would be able to sleep better, she’d be more likely to get ready for bed and do her nightly routine, her memory, skin, and hygiene would improve. So I told her she could fold her clothes during the session and that made the task less boring, which also helps.

It’s possible to do this reframe of shame into a mantra that helps you to do hard things. And every time you do the hard thing, you get a hit of dopamine for the sense of accomplishment. Now you’ve removed a device from your bandwidth and have more energy to do what you want, like pick out your clothes thoughtfully since you can finally see them all. Then you have another hit of dopamine. And since dopamine gives you pleasure and a wanting for more, as discussed in the book Dopamine Nation, you decide to organize something else so that you can have another hit.

This cycle is similar to doomscrolling, in which you get a small hit of dopamine so you keep looking at your phone. But since the shame and self-loathing are still there for wasting time and not going to bed, you never end an hours-long episode of doomscrolling feeling a sense of accomplishment.

Since I discovered this energy conservation trick, I have reorganized my entire house. It helps to deter me from shopping somewhat because I practically have a store with clothes, shoes, purses, tote bags, jewelry, jackets, coats, and more. And now that everything is neatly organized and visible, it makes me happy to see all of these things that I love but had forgotten about. Which makes me want to organize all the things!

Interestingly, all of my clients who have started a self-soothing kit have done the same thing. It seems to work because once you start using the things in your kit, you become regulated so you no longer exist in crisis mode, stuck in fight-flight-freeze-fake. As a result, you have access to your left hemisphere again and can come up with clever mantras, remind yourself of your values and the things that make you happy, and motivate yourself from a positive place instead of survival mode.

But don’t take my word for it. Try it yourself. And if it works, please come back and leave a comment and let me know what you did. It will help me for research purposes!